March 11, 2008

I Am Odysseus, Why Won’t You Belive Me? Is It The Clothes?

Posted in Uncategorized at 9:46 pm by tsk417


I called my wife downstairs to join me as I sat at the fireplace, waiting, for my lovely wife to emerge from the stairs and acknowledge my true identity. Instead, she would rather not believe me, apparently I don’t look like myself, you know, the cloths that I was given don’t exactly suit her needs. After being bathed, clothed, and a few traits exemplified by Athena, I talked to her. She tested me by asking about the secret of our wedding bed(you know the one). I told her of the story, about how I managed to turn a simple olive tree into a genuine furniture piece. Once she believed me, I came up with a plan to get passer-byers to not enter the house and suspect anything. The idea was to make it seem like a wedding, we had the lyre playing beautiful music and had everyone dress up and dance. I then escaped to the bedroom with Penelope and we made sweet, but passionate love to each other and the sex was great! I then told her of the trial I must take to ensure my last years on the Earth would be good, we then shared stories of each other when each of us were gone. I then left to replenish the supply of stock that the suitors, whether it was by asking or by raids. I would then go to my father’s, who I’ve longed to meet since talking to my mother. I told her that by NO MEANS, should she go outside of the premises, and to not make any contact to any outsider or passerby-er.


Bad Boys, Bad Boys, What You Gonna Do When I Come For You? (Really)

Posted in Uncategorized at 5:41 pm by tsk417


People like to ask me, why kill Antinous first? I answer, “cause he is a bastard! A low-life son of a bitch really.” Next, I’m not sure, but I believe that Eurymachus attempted to persuade me not to kill him. But because he decided to be such a big jerk and court my wife, I killed him, as I had originally planned to do to all of the suitors. I then started to kill more of the suitors with my arrows, I was almost out when I requested Telemachus to get us some more weapons. That fool! He left the door open! The suitors then came back with some of my weapons, upon figuring this out, I decided to tell the swine and cow herdsmen to go to the door, hide and tie up Melanthius. The other suitors came at me one at a time. I easily killed each and everyone of them until there were none left. Once all the men were killed, except Melanthius, I called my old nurse and asked which of the women had remained loyal and which had betrayed my and my house. The old nurse told me of 12 women who betrayed me and were the suitors’ sluts! For punishment, I not only made them scrub down every chair covered in their lover’s blood, but I made them carry the bodies out to the back. Once all of them had finished their work, I hung them where they stood. Next was Melanthius, “they brought Melanthius outside and in their fury they sliced off his nose and ears with cold bronze and pulled his genitals out by the root, raw meat for the dogs, and chopped off his hands and feet” (XXII. 497-502).

If You Want Penelope, How Come You Can’t Tie A Bow?

Posted in Uncategorized at 2:30 am by tsk417


I felt the urge just to let everything out to the swine and cow herdsmen. These were good men and stringing them along was killing me deep down for these men were not respected and they desired to know the truth. So I decided to tell them the truth about my true identity. They had sucumb to an overwhelming feeling of joy. We wept for a moment, but we had to be on the moved and they had to disregard this and pretend as if they knew nothing of my true identity. Penelope then decided upon a contest to win her love, whoever could string my old bow and hit it through twelve iron rings, they would win her heart. I sat there and watched each and everyone of them fail and try to explain why they failed. The most entertaining was Antinous, I had come to believe he was strong, but he was as weak as any of the other ones. This may have been one of the funniest sites to behold in my entire life! I fortunately stepped up to the challenge and strung the bow together, “the color drained from their faces” (XXI 448-449). They all stood there in amazement, admiring the beautiful bow. I then plucked the string like a lyre and the bow went through all of the rings.

March 5, 2008

Penelope, Penelope, What Have You Done To Me?

Posted in Uncategorized at 2:56 am by tsk417


I sat in the halls, alone, planning the death of those who were eating out my house and courting my wife. That was, until Telemachus arrived and I instructed him to move the weapons out of the halls and come up with a couple of clever comments if asked what he is doing. We left and started down the hallway, the old nurse that usually led us was away because of Telemachus’ request to go down the hallway alone. Athena led the way, and Telemachus left while I placed the weapons in the correct spot. I left the hallway and I went upstairs to the fireplace as dawn wiped her rose fingers across the sky, what a beautiful night it truly was. Penelope was waiting for me by the fireplace, eager to listen to the tale of her husband and how it intertwined with my life story. She asked a series of questions and I answered them thoroughly, except for where I hailed from and my entire life story. I shared the news of Odysseus and how close he was and her face melted with tears of the news of her husband. One of the older nurses came by and bathed me and she recognized my scar on my upper thigh that had been there since I was a kid. I was at my grandfather’s house and there was a boar in a lair and we walked past it and interrupted its sleep or something. The boar came charging at me and it was too quick for a spear to be thrown at it, instead, it cut the muscle in my upper thigh, just missing the bone. The damage was done though, I got it right through its right shoulder, I watched it slowly die.  She screamed my name and my wife would have heard the name had Athena not saved my ass by making her mind wander elsewhere. When I informed the old nurse of my plan, she swore that she wouldn’t tell anyone about it. I was very upset that I allowed her to almost ruin the plan of ours, thank the gods that Athena saved me. I gave Penelope the reassurance to wait for her husband (a.k.a. me) and she left to go to sleep while I was given permission to stay the night.

(Sigh) What Are The Suitors Doing Now?

Posted in Uncategorized at 12:42 am by tsk417


Athena decided to tranform me back into an old beggar, which I didn’t mind, because I always secretly wondered what being a beggar would be like. Before I turned away, Telemachus was already carrying on with the plan as he was eager to reach the city and my palace. Eumaeus then helped me and my old beggar body to the city, but before we left he cut a piece of wood and I had a staff, so that I could hold my frail body up. We walked to the town, and I had to rest for a moment. As we rested, Melanthius, son of Dolius met us and said, “Well look at this, trash dragging along trash” (XVII. 236). I was so angry I was trying to determine whether to kill him there with my staff, or if I should pick him up by his ears and throw his face to the ground and watch him bleed to death. In the end, I decided against killing him, for now. He walked past after a stupid speech that got my blood boiling, as he walked, he attempted to kick me, but because he sucks at life, he missed and he hit me on the hip with his own (what a woman). After that, Eumaeus and I arrived at the palace. He went in first, established a seat and his presence. After that, I came in and began to beg the suitors, as to judge each of them in a small ammount of time. As I walked around, only one refused to give me any food, and that was Antinous, no, he much rather be a man and throw a footstool at my back, my right shoulderblade to be exact. I decided he would die pretty soon as well. Penelope decided to invite me to tell her where her husband was, but I forsaw the suitors’ anger towards me if I would’ve chose to move to her. Instead, I told her to wait until dawn to talk to me about her husband and his whereabouts.

March 4, 2008

Six Heads? Really? Did Anyone See That Coming? (Besides Me)

Posted in Uncategorized at 1:05 am by tsk417


We began by sailing our ship back to the island of Aeaea. We mourned and burned the body of Elpenor, the drunk shipmate that died at the island of Aeaea. Circe discovered we were back at her island and she welcomed us in until dawn. She fed us and told me of the events that would unfold. I listened with great concern as she spilled out my shipmate and myself’s fates. We left her island and we reached the Sirens that she warned me of and I remembered her advise as how to deal with these monsters. I was tied up and my crew’s ears were sealed with wax, so they couldn’t hear the Sirens‘ song. I listened to their beautiful voices as they sang and I so badly wanted to be released to join them. We carried on, making a brief passing of Scylla’s cave, I, unfortunately, didn’t remember Circe’s advice and I bore armor and held two spears in my hands. For this, she devoured six of my strongest men on board. We sailed passed as I remembered to pray to her mother, Crataiis so Scylla wouldn’t eat another six men. We sailed passed and we were adjacent to the island of Hyperion the Sun, “where his herds ranged and his flocks browsed”(270-271). My crew kept on complaining of the lack of rest they were receiving, and to stop their bitching and moaning, I made them take a sworn oath to not slaughter any of the herds on the island, unfortunately, this broke their spirits. They took the oath and for a month there were no slaughtering of animals, but once the rations were to an extreme low, the crew began to become desperate. When I had walked away for just a moment, I was praying to the gods for a calm enough wind for us to leave on, and they decide to slaughter a stupid cattle, not just any cattle, though, they had to pull off the major screw-me-over and they chose the best cow there. I know, I have so much luck, don’t I? I was so pissed off at the morons and their disobedience of my specific orders! And Circe’s prophicies came true, Zeus gave us a favorable wind and we were in the middle of the sea, where there was no land nearby and he casted a dark cloud over our heads. This cloud wasn’t a good wind cloud, nope, Zeus was too pissed that day to care about me or my crew. So he struck the ship with not wind, but thunder and lightning. The ship was destroyed, the men killed, and the destruction sent me back to Scylla. I waited, not for a day or so without food, but NINE! NINE WHOLE DAYS! THANKS GODS! YOU REALLY HELPED ME OUT! And where did I end up next, many would ask themselves? I ended up at Calypso’s island where I stayed put for 10 years.

March 2, 2008

Mourning The Dead Sucks!

Posted in Uncategorized at 9:31 pm by tsk417

As I stood looking down at the sheep I had just slaughtered, I thought to myself, “will this work? Or is this yet another trick the gods are playing on me?”


 I knew the answer after seeing the spirits of bloodied heroes of the past. They were moving, emotionless, many with bronze spears through them. These were the bodies of some of my fallen brethren at Troy. The next person that came was a prophet named Theban Tiresias. He told me of how not to kill the sheep on the island of Thrinacia. I listened with grave concern to the words he spoke. He warned of the death of every one of my men and the destruction of my ship. He also warned that I would return very late to my beloved home in Ithaca, all if we were to slaughter the sheep at Thrinacia. Next came my mother, and my heart fell like it had been dropped from the gates of the gods to the river Styx. I couldn’t believe my eyes! She was alive when I sailed to Troy, and had not suffered any illness that I knew of. I asked her about how her demise occurred, which by itself was one of the most difficult things that I had done. She replied that she missed me so much that it was too much of a burden on her heart and she died, upon hearing this, I wept, openly, I had no idea that my absence meant that much! Once my mother left, there were numerous friends of mine that had died at Troy that wanted to speak to me, and there were only two that I thought I would like to make mention of. One was Achilles, he wanted to know what his son had done at Troy following his own death. I told him the many heroic tales about his son and Achilles was so proud of his son. I felt Achilles’ love for his son while he was listening to the stories and descriptions I was telling. Following Achilles’ departure, Ajax appeared, I hadn’t seen him since I was awarded Achilles’ armor at Troy. He was not happy with me and I had felt like I needed to make an amends with him in order to carry on with my journey. So I did, I made amends. Next came the gods’ sons and more heroes of the past. I felt an overwhelming feeling of excitement in my heart after seeing the mighty Orion, Hercules, and many more. When these heroes left,  I was longing to meet some of my own heroes that I had wanted to meet since I was a child, such as Theseus and Peirithous. Before I could even hope to do so, “the nations of the dead came thronging up with an eerie cry, and I turned pale with fear” (XI. 667-668). I hurried myself onto the ship and called for my crew to move fast or we would be forever trapped in the hell hole that is known as Hades. We left and I breathed a sigh of relief.

February 27, 2008

Pigs? Why Pigs?

Posted in Uncategorized at 3:21 am by tsk417

This Is Probably Why Poseidon Hates Me

Posted in Uncategorized at 2:34 am by tsk417

After being asked about my life and how I came to that marvelous island, I decided to tell them. cyclops_odyssey.gif

I started by telling them my name, and my journey to an

island that was inhabited by cyclopes. I was very furious that as my crew of twelve men, including myself, were not welcomed by this particular creature. These creatures do not grow any of their crops, they depend on the gods to do everything for them! How can the gods help these creatures and not make them work for themselves? I was so upset upon reaching the island. After having two of my men eaten, the cyclopes criticized me and my voyage to the island. He then asked a serious of obscure and unusual questions, such as how the ships are, I lied to him and told him that the ships were crushed on the shores of the island. We were forced to stay there and for each meal, he ate two of my men. Finally, after a few days, I had come up with a plan. We planned to set it in motion after his meal, it started with the offering of some sweet wine. He asked for my name, I told him that it was Noman, and he agreed to eat me last if he could have more wine. He actually believed me! Hah, the fool! He gulped down three whole bowls of this sweet wine and fell asleep. After falling asleep, I took out an olive tree branch and heated it on the fire from dinner. Once the branch was hot enough, my men and I shoved it into his eye and “his lids and brow were all singed by the heat from the burning eyeball and its roots crackled in the fire”(IX. 388-390). After doing this, we took the branch out of the eye and threw it so that he couldn’t reach it to hit us. We then hid from him and his neighbors. His neighbors came and asked who did this to him and he said, “No man did this to me!” This was the funniest thing I had ever heard in my life, the trickery that I had played on him was flawless! We left the island with more than twenty of his sheep and I was so proud of myself for gettting back at him that I taunted him as we were leaving on our ships, he threw a couple of boulders and missed us each time. This was quite the mistake, because his father is Poseidon apparently, so he asked his dad to basically screw my voyage home with deaths of my crew and myself, or at least a delay of my arrival at Ithica.

February 26, 2008

Games Anyone?

Posted in Uncategorized at 1:16 am by tsk417

As I was sitting at the palace, I heard the godlike Demodocus with his lyre. It was the best thing I had ever heard before in my life. I couldn’t help myself, but to cry, and as I was doing so, I hid my head beneath my purple cloth.


I cried because this particular song that he was playing had been the one that was played at Troy. Remembering those brave men, many being my friends, had tears come out uncontrollably. The nobles and I had left to go outside to watch some athletic competitions. After a few competitions, I had felt a little better, that was of course until Euryalus taunted me by saying, “You know stranger, I’ve seen a lot of sportsmen and you don’t look like one to me at all. You look more like the captain of a merchant ship, plying the seas with a crew of hired hands and keeping a sharp eye on his cargo, greedy for profit. No, you’re no athlete”(VIII 174-179). After hearing that speech, I was so angry, I grabbed a nearby rock that was far greater in mass, and I, “threw it so far a blind man could tell where it was”(VIII 215).  Upon silencing the man, and showing what an athelete I was, I challenged the rest of the crowd, except Laodamas, because no man would ever challenge the host that took him in and treated him the way I was treated. Alcinous spoke up and stated that nobody would challenge me and that we should dance, listen to godlike Demodocus, and feast. I was remorseful, because as it turns out my legs were killing me from the sea. So, we went inside and Demodocus was playing. As I listened in on his delectable song of Ares and Aphrodites’ affair, I felt an emotion I hadn’t really felt since Troy, contentness. After the song, I had looked forward to Halius and Laodamas’ dance alone for they were the best. I was in complete awe as I watched them dance.  After the festivities were completed I received a gift from each of the thirteen kings, along with an apology from Euryalus. He gave me a bronze sword that I felt was the best sword I had ever received. After receiving all of my gifts and being bathed in oil, I sat down to a delicious feast. As I received a beautiful cut of roasted pork, glistening with fat, I told a herald to give it to Demodocus. As I watched him receive it, I briskly walked over to him and asked him to play a song about the ending of the Greeks victory at Troy. Upon his agreement, I told him I would spread the word of him and tell of how Apollo begifted him the art of song. As he was playing the song, I was filled with remeberence of the events that took place at Troy. As I sat there, I cried again and shielded my tears, as to not upset anyone. Unfortunately, Alcinous saw my grief, probably  from the way that I reacted to the song, and requested that the song be stopped. After doing so, he turned to me and started to question me, so of course I felt intriguied to tell him my story, for nobody had any idea who I was, or where I hailed from.

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